Millionaire Matchmaker Patty Stanger went on hottie Andy Cohen’s Watch What Happens, Live the other night and went off about the gays. She talked about open relationships and the monogamy in gay relationships, saying “In the gay world, it will always be open. …There is no curbing the gay man.” She then turned to Andy and said, “I have tried to curb you people.’” He said, “I am a gay and am down for the monogamy,” but she laughed fired back, “When was the last time you had a boyfriend?”
Blam! Y’all get a taste of the bitch pudding! Then she goes on Joy Behar’s show tonight and says, “But the gay men, they whip it out at eye lock. They get involved and they find out later if they want a serious relationship.”
People are all up in arms about it. Don’t get me wrong. Patty’s an idiot, but I don’t think she hates the gays. In fact, while she’s not doing a very good job of contributing to the ongoing PR campaign that’s required to defuse the religious wrong, she kind of has a point.
Obviously there are plenty of gay men who don’t fuck first and ask questions later. Guys who save sex for after the civil union and never venture outside their relationship, even for a little rub and tug in the steam room at the gym. You know, guys like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.
Like Stanger, I’m playing on stereotypes in hopes of getting a laugh…the difference is mine is self-deprecating while hers is just mildly offensive. Not all gay men are whores. In fact, I DO know plenty of guys who don’t have sex before they’ve dated and gotten to know someone, and even a few of those guys in relationships that really do seem to be monogamous. But I also know a lot more who spend way too damn much time on Grindr and cheat on their boyfriends left and right.
I’m frankly not surprised. Let’s face it. Regardless of where we grew up in the US, we learned to date, to have sex and to build relationships in a culture that tells us we’re going to hell just for being who we are. We generally grow up without any gay role models, and most of us don’t even start LEARNING how to socialize with people we might one day want to couple up with until into adult-hood…and then we do it in a country where a large portion of people are ACTIVELY working to make sure our relationships are minimized as much as possible.
And on top of that, we’re MEN. 50% of straight marriages end in divorce, and the largest contributing factor to that is infidelity…and it’s not as likely to be the ladies doing it. Guys are dogs…and in order to be in monogamous relationships, we have to fight against that natural urge in order to show love for another person.
Admittedly, I can be a big slut. I’ve had sex with a lot of guys…dating them or otherwise. I’m not saying it’s something I’m proud of, but I also don’t beat myself up over it. I’m also a believer that it’s possible and maybe even HEALTHY to engage in some SLIGHT non-monogamy in any relationship as long as both partners agree to the terms and are comfortable with it.
That said, I do think Patty’s right. I watch so many of my friends talk about how badly they want a boyfriend, and then spend all their energy looking for somebody to fuck. Bathhouses and porn sites are not exactly my idea of gay pride, and yet they’re allowed to have floats in the parade. I often wonder if we don’t really have a cultural problem in the community of gay and bi men…that maybe if we spent more time actually getting to know the people we have sex with we’d all be a lot happier and a lot more likely to find somebody to settle down and adopt a kid with.
Now I wonder if that hot guy on A4A hit me up yet…